thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
