He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
