I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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