Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
