There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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