I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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