If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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