I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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