I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
