If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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