How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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