Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
