haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
