Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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