i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
