If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
