Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think my tv is drunk
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
