If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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