The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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