I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
