Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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