I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
