they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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