Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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