her vagine was all disorganized.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
