is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
