You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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