$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
