so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
