Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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