Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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