I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
