If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
