And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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