Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
