Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
