I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
