1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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