listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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