just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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