I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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