Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
