Kiss
Puke
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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