As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
