i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
