I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
