i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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