tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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