she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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