I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
