We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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