Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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