i just had sex bonerless
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
