so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
