Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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