Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
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does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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