Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
