Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
accomplished twins. life is a go
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
