Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
