Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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