Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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