If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
